It seems a natural pattern to produce a journal on the anniversary of Matthias death (even though it be a day early!). There are a few changes to last months and i didn't realise how useful this journal would be to see our progress. We (Tony and I) have entered into the emotion of complete disbelief and not actually understanding how we are even here. It is totally surreal and i guess we will never understand why this has happened. Missing him is more than painful, it is a complete void. However, we are continuing to talk through the emotions and share our feelings as a family. The boys have flip frames with 12 photos which they chose of Thisy and they have proved to be wonderful talking points. Most nights i am with Xavier and he talks through the pictures saying "I Love that boy".... we all do. Jonas has had a few moments of realisation when he asked if Thisy would came back alive again. When i said no he burst into tears. We shared tears together and said it was ok to cry and that we all wish he was still with us. Xav out of nowhere got two pieces of kitchen roll gave one piece to me and the other to jonas saying nothing. Amazing love. Jos continues to be stoic but does tell me of times that have been tricky and how he copes with them. We have focussed our last two months on treating the boys, especially for Jos he has had two years of watching Thi go through treatment receive all sorts of gifts and days out, quite rightly, and at the end be left without his brother. So, a trip to the Lion King and a wonderful visit backstage was the start of treating Jos. This weekend Steven Gerrard continues to be our hero as i had a phone call from his PA asking if we wanted 5 tickets to see Liverpool play this Saturday. Sunday has been the icing on the cake with a wonderful friend organising a tour of the stadium and a meal in the boot room cafe. People are so wonderfully supportive of us and for that we will always be grateful, holding you close to us as you are all part of this journey. Mothers day was bearable as we were with family, fun and laughter. The monday was a breaking day with a trip to Matthias grave to remember and love deeply. Easter Hols are going to be a challenge as we embark on our holiday week with the cousins which we have done for the last 4 years with Thisy. We were sure the holiday should continue for all of us, facing the painful bits together and enjoying the wonderful bits in honour of our boy. Today both Xav and Jonas received their much desired MGP scooters.........A gift from Thi to the boys. Always and forever you amazing child we will never stop holding you in the centre of our family. We love you darling xxxxx Matthias' Tribute fund continues to raise money and he has raised in excess of £5,500. On returning to CHASE we have seen that the money raised is being used to care for people in our position making their experience as wholesome as ours. Wonderful wonderful boy xxxxxx Posted on March 22, 2012